Thoughts On Loving Well

Some things we all have the same answer to. “Do you want to be happy?” is one of those questions. We all want happiness. It may look different to each of us but we want to be happy.

Opinions vary on what actually makes us happy but this very long and thorough study by Harvard brings us a definitive answer. It is not money, it is not fame. It is great close connections. 

Loving and being loved bring us happiness.

I thought it would be fun to do a modern twist on some very wise ancient words on this subject. These words were penned around 2,000 years ago. We find them often at weddings referred to as the Bible’s love chapter. I Corinthians 13.

Here’s my twist:

It doesn’t matter how spiritual I am or think I am or how much I meditate or do yoga if I don’t love people well. All those spiritual practices are just noise.

Who cares how wise I am and how good I am at reading people and situations or how much success I have in getting things done or making things happen if I don’t have love. All that other stuff means nothing without being able to love well.

Maybe I even do all kinds of things for people less fortunate than me, maybe I’m even a great philanthropist. If I am not doing these things out of genuine love, then I really haven’t accomplished anything substantial.

When I am really loving someone, I can let them be imperfect and still stay in relationship with them. When they are grouchy or insensitive love let’s me still be kind towards them.

If love is what underlies my relationship with someone I will be really happy for them when good things happen instead of feeling jealous or like I need to make myself look better.

Loving well keeps me from wanting to insult, ridicule or make fun of someone else so that I can feel better, more important. Real love lets me think about how my words and actions will impact the other person and choose to show respect even when it costs me something.

Deep love lets me stay calm and not get so defensive. It let’s me forgive and not keep a tally of how many times the other person has hurt me. Love won’t even let me be happy when bad things happen to others. Instead love will have me happy with truth being expressed, love will make me want to protect others, to trust them, hope for good things and to press through the tough spots.

Love, real love, is indestructible. All kinds of other things will come and go. How much I know may matter now, but in the end love is what really matters.

There are many important strengths and gifts that I can possess including optimism, the ability to encourage and believe in others but best of all of this is the determination to love well.

That chapter just doesn’t get old does it?!

We are born ready to be loved but then get to be in real families with broken parents, dysfunctional patterns, etc. and quickly learn our own.

When you read the above ancient wisdom what would you like to work on to be a better lover?

Until next time

Marilyn Orr, The Luv Life Coach

Marilyn Orr, MA, CEC, PCC is a relationship coach with Luv Life Coaching, passionate about equipping couples with the tools for real and lasting intimacy.

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