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5 Principles For Making Fights More Productive

We’ve all done it, pick a fight over nothing. Be it from a lack of sleep, being “hangry” or simply having too much stress can result in us being grumpy.

These moments can lead to hurtful and unproductive fights.

So, how do we know when it’s time to drop something and when it’s time to start a tough conversation?

Here’s an interesting article on what young couples are fighting about, and how important these fights can be: "9 Fights Every 20-Something Couple Has That Actually Prove You're Healthy

The unhealthy things that find their way into our lives if left unchecked, can be the seeds of significant destruction to our relationship. 

Here are some principles to consider and some questions to ask yourself and each other:

1. Is there a pattern that is not healthy for your relationship? It is worth bringing up! Fight for your relationship. How can you talk about what you are noticing together to learn from it and create strategies to move forward differently?

2. Is there an imbalance in your relationship that leaves one of you not practicing good self-care? Is one of you carrying too much of the weight in a certain area of what should be shared responsibilities?

3. Have you separately or together developed an unhealthy habit that needs to change? This can be so many different things - working too much, drinking too often, eating junk too often, etc. How can you support each other towards being healthier? Without judging each other, what can you talk about patterns so that you can make better choices? What additional resources would be helpful?

4. Have you been speaking each other’s love languages enough lately? What do you want and need more of from each other?

5. Where are things out of balance with other significant relationships in your lives? Do you need more time with friends? Less time with friends and more focused couple time?

“Fights” can be the start to important resets. A fight doesn’t have to be accusatory or damaging. It really can be simply a chance to tell each other how we are feeling about specific things and letting our partner know the impact that patterns, situations and incidents are having on us.

What makes fights most productive is when we can both look at what we are contributing that has been unhelpful or unhealthy for the relationship or each other AND look at what strengths and gifts we have that can bring positive change and contribute to your growth as a couple.

So often it is through the tough patches that we get our most growth. The tough conversations that we choose to have with our partners can truly allow our relationship to deepen to the next level of intimacy and maturity.

What’s next for you? What conversation can help strengthen your relationship?

Until next time,

Marilyn Orr, The Luv Life Coach

Marilyn Orr, MA, CEC, PCC is a relationship coach with Luv Life Coaching, passionate about equipping couples with the tools for real and lasting intimacy.

Be proactive in your relationships so you can stay ahead of the problem. Learn how to listen better, handle conflict in productive ways and how to bring out the best in your partner. Reach Out to Marilyn and grow your Luv Life skills today!

Subscribe to Marilyn’s “Luv Life Blog” for twice monthly relationship advice and love life guidance blog posts straight to your inbox.

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