Some of us immediately think sex when we hear the word intimacy but it is so much more.
Intimacy is about close, safe, nurturing connection. It includes physical, emotional and spiritual connection. Intimacy at it’s strongest includes all three.
Today’s blog is a collaboration with Canadian, Toronto-based artist Veronica Blanco. (Supporting artists is something Bill and I value and try to do at The Cedars Ranch so this is fun.)
Many of Veronica’s pieces show great tenderness. Let’s talk about that.
Intimacy grows in an environment of kindness. This is not to say that wild passion takes away from intimacy. Of course not. However, intimacy at its core is the ability to be truly, vulnerably seen by another human being and accepted, loved, and cherished by them. Consistent kindness towards each other creates a space for intimacy to grow.
Kiss Her Forehead, by Veronica Blanco
What kills intimacy?
Sarcasm. Name calling. Meanness. Emotional withdrawal. Judging. Selfishness. Inattentiveness. Emotional distancing.
Great sexual intimacy happens at the highest level when paired with intense emotional and spiritual connection.
What does that actually mean? It means taking time to hear each other’s dreams, hopes, frustrations, losses, passions, fears and insights. About life in general, about other relationships and about your shared life as a couple.
Kiss in the Rain, by Veronica Blanco
A common tripping point for couples is that how one needs to process emotion is drastically different from how the other needs to.
Here is a non-intuitive thought. The more I take responsibility for having my own needs met, including having a variety of people that I emotionally process with, the closer I can be to my partner.
If we expect our partner to be the only one to help us process emotionally and they don’t do that well, we build resentment towards them and we go without having our valid emotional need met.
Instead, when we build a solid base of healthy friends who we can process appropriately with then we can release our partner from a role that they may not be great at and open the path for more continuous intimacy with them.
This doesn’t mean we never process relevant stuff with partners that process differently. It means that we pick and choose and also allow for them to process in their own unique way.
Soft, Strong and Secure, by Veronica Blanco
Another killer of intimacy is not addressing issues in your relationship. Find the language and the time to bring up things that need to be talked about!
The space in your relationship that allows for tender and genuine interaction and intimacy is so precious.
If you were to draw a picture of you and your partner as a couple today, what would that image be?
What image would you love to be able to draw of yourselves?
Special thanks to Veronica Blanco for the use of her amazing images in today’s blog.
Until next time,
Marilyn Orr, The Luv Life Coach
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Marilyn Orr, MA, CEC, PCC is a relationship coach with Luv Life Coaching, passionate about equipping couples with the tools for real and lasting intimacy. Is Luv Life Coaching an appropriate next step for you? Take our online questionnaire to find out: http://luvlifecoaching.com/questionnaire
Veronica Blanco is a Toronto based visual artist concentrating in painting and drawing. Her work is passionately personal, a visual examination of love and relationships. Inspired by personal moments and the people around her, Veronica explores the intimacy, passion and even struggles between couples. She's intrigued by the power of the human figure to allure us and the messages found in body language. Visit her website: www.veronicablancoart.com