It’s almost February. You know what that means. Valentine’s Day is not far away.
Some of you are likely dreading it. I’m looking forward to it and always have because my birthday is the day before. Feels like the world all around me is always celebrating love around my birthday.
Let’s talk about what romance is and why some of us crave it.
A romantic gesture or experience involves the expression of love for the other person. The variety of how to do this is endless and largely is defined by what the other person values. (Bill cooking me a beautiful steak dinner would not be romantic since I’m vegetarian!)
Here are some fairly universal romantic gestures:
- A handwritten love letter or note about how much you love and appreciate the other person
- Spending time alone in a beautiful setting, allowing you to just enjoy each other
- Gifts that the other person likes, but probably wouldn’t just get for themselves (generally not practical ones like a new blender!)
- Kind and thoughtful acts like making the bed if that’s not something you usually do
- Light candles and put on some nice music
- Give a spontaneous foot massage
The list is endless but here is a link to a great list of 25 ideas:
What matters here is that we stop and take time to think about what would be appreciated by our partner. We put some effort in to making sure that what we do shows our love for our partner to them in ways that they appreciate.
Our society is good at trying to tell us what it should look like. Chocolate, flowers and a valentine’s day card and, if you are really lucky, some jewelry.
I’d love if we could fight back on that one and really focus on speaking our partner’s love language to them. Let’s take Valentine’s Day out of that heart-shaped box!
Obviously romance should not be limited to February 14th. These are ideas for loving each other well year-round. Since society has built this day up so much though, it has become this weird and stressful time for some couples.
If you don’t receive your idea of what romance should look like you may feel disappointed and instead of feeling closer to your partner you feel further away. You feel hurt.
Let’s cut it off at the pass this year!
How about a conversation ahead of time about what would make the time special for each of you?
I’m not talking about telling your partner to buy you flowers because then when he or she does you won’t appreciate it as much. The kind of conversation that helps is sharing the gestures and experiences that really mean something to you, in general and either separately or together planning for them.
Sometimes what you want is simpler than what society is trying to tell your partner you want!
Here are some fun questions to help that conversation along:
- What is one of the most romantic things I have done for you?
- Name 3 nearby romantic places that you would like to go to.
- What romantic things, according to society, do you NOT like?
However you choose to celebrate each other, I hope you find small ways to do so often!
Until next time,
Marilyn Orr, The Luv Life Coach
Marilyn Orr is a relationship coach with Luv Life Coaching, passionate about equipping couples with the tools for real and lasting intimacy.
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