It is really popular now to write your own vows. For good reason. We want them to be authentic. We want them to be unique to us as a couple. We want to powerfully impact our partner when we say them to him or her.
Some of you are not about to get married so why am I writing this to you all?
Whether it is vows we used a long time ago or whether you have not officially said vows to your partner there is an important principle embedded within them.
When Bill and I intentionally wrote our vows we included within them a promise to support each other’s wellness. I committed to not getting in the way of Bill’s efforts to be healthy and well, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Beyond that I committed to kindly reminding him of his desire to be healthy when he has taken steps away from health or is wrestling with a decision where it is appropriate.
Here’s how it works in my brain. “I committed to supporting Bill in his overall wellbeing. With that in mind what should I say or do right now?”
This is so different from nagging. It is permission-based feedback. Bill has asked me to help him, as his partner, to make healthy choices. And vice-versa.
Nagging is usually self-serving. It will help me if you pick up your dirty socks, etc. Sometimes supporting Bill’s wellbeing means encouraging him to go to a yoga class when I rather he stayed home to watch a movie with me.
Use your vows as a reminder of how you will love your partner, in light of very real everyday decisions!
Vows are promises we make to each other, with witnesses. These are promises that sometimes cost us but we make them because the commitment is based on wanting the best for the other person. It is a picture of the highest kind of love.
If you happen to be a couple getting ready for your wedding, please, take the writing of your vows seriously. They are so useful throughout your life if you choose to do them well.
If you took vows a long time ago I encourage you to think of visiting them again as a couple or perhaps renewing your vows. This doesn’t have to be a big ceremony. It can be just for the two of you.
Perhaps you are a couple that isn’t married or doesn’t want to marry. What a great conversation to have! What commitments will you make to each other - that you can sanction with each other in some way other than a traditional marriage ceremony?
Until next time, enjoy loving each other!
Luv Life Coach