Highly Effective Couples

Obviously “highly effective” is not what we aim for when thinking about our partner. This is business language “highly effective team”, etc. Let’s steal from business ideas though, again, for our relationships.

A common team building activity is to make use of personality or behavioral style assessments and share results with each other. These tools allow us to understand each other’s strengths and traits. We can have more patience and appreciation for each other’s differences when we see where they fit in to our partner’s whole being.

There are so many tools to use to better understand yourself and your partner. The best part about taking assessments is the conversations they open up. The results, in many cases, should be held lightly. Some have been more scientifically done than others. Let the results simply add to your self-understanding and create conversation.

Here’s a site with a good sampling: Human Metrics Link 

This site has some great quizzes, some of which are free. (I took the Personality Test based on Jung - my results were the same as when I take the full version.) The full test is called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or Personality Types.

What other “team-building” activities do teams do that we can steal?

Taking time to understand what each other needs for communication is critical. This can be as simple as asking each other some questions.

  • “What do you want more of from me?”
  • “When do you find it easiest to talk to me about important things?”
  • “What do you need most from me right now?”

There are plenty of books and games that get great conversations going. (There are plenty of games that get other things going for couples too but that is not this blog:))

Here is one from a company that produces many different versions but this one is for couples and available from many retailers: Game Link 

For a great book resource I recommend “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Dr. Sue Johnson. Available many ways but here’s a link to the Amazon US location: Book Link

What matters the most, and what helps couples and teams, is creating spaces for these kinds of conversations. For most couples and teams these conversations about style, core values, personality differences, conflict preferences, etc. don’t just happen. We need to find opportunities to make them happen.

The couple’s team building ‘off-site’ equivalent would be a marriage enrichment or couples’ retreat weekend or seminar. The variety of these is endless so you need to look in your region.

A fellow coach and I are designing one for here at The Cedars Ranch. If that interests you or you want to suggest content, please reach out! Marilyn@LuvLifeCoaching.com

Until next time,

Marilyn Orr, The Luv Life Coach


Marilyn Orr, MA, CEC, PCC is a relationship coach with Luv Life Coaching, passionate about equipping couples with the tools for real and lasting intimacy.

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