Helping Each Other Through Stresses

Often in life the people closest to us know how stressed we are before we do. The ironic part about stress is that often our own reaction to stress causes more stress than the original stressor.

There are unlimited ways to react to stress and there are unlimited causes of stress. That being said there are some basic principles that we can get to.

Let’s start with some common reactions to being stressed:

  • Withdrawing from other - emotionally, socially, physically

  • Becoming hyper-focused and driven

  • Becoming more verbal and chatty

  • Looking to be rescued and feeling personally paralyzed and overwhelmed

  • Embracing aggression as a way to feel more powerful

  • Forgetfulness and inability to focus

  • Turning to comfort eating or any other addiction that brings comfort

  • Becoming controlling of one’s environment and/or nearby people

All of these, and there are many more, can bring some short-term relief and some make way for healthy changes and access to resources to help with the original stress. However, all too often how to choose to deal with our stress leads to further complications.

Now, let’s really complicate it by putting two people together in a close relationship. Yikes. This can get tricky and quickly!

How we have experienced others in our family when they were stressed growing up really factors in here in big ways. Let me share an example from my own life to illustrate. My Dad in his extreme dysfunction passive-aggressively used ‘the silent treatment’ when he was mad about something. This went way beyond needing space to process something. As a result, I used to interpret the need for space and silence by the introverts in my life as anger.

Now, let’s look at my responses to stress. I’m very extroverted so socializing, talking and connecting to people are ways that I often react to stress.

Let’s put this together:

1) Introvert A needs space and quiet.

2) Extrovert B (i.e. Marilyn) spikes in stress level because her brain is interpreting the quiet and withdrawal as a personal statement and that said Introvert A is angry with her.

3) Without even necessarily being conscious of this dynamic Marilyn copes with her stress by trying to engage Introvert A in conversation, making the mood lighter, etc.

4) Now Introvert A, who may not have even been stressed before is. They begin to engage their favorite stress response, which is likely to include withdrawal.

You can easily see how these stress responses can so quickly spiral and impact both people. We haven’t even had to have an initial stress for the cycle to start.

So then, how do we break these unproductive cycles and help each other through stresses instead of making it worse?

What I had to learn, the hard way, was to notice when I might be making assumptions and ask questions instead of charging full speed ahead.

Here are some great questions to ask when you notice yourself or your partner exhibiting stress symptoms:

  • What would help you the most right now?

  • How can I support you best?

  • Who besides me can help you?

  • What is one thing you would like me to do more of in the next few days?

  • What is one thing you would like me to do less of?

  • I’m reacting to you like you are stressed, are you?

  • I’m feeling stressed but don’t know what I need: can you help me talk this through?

Owning our own stress and our response to it goes a long long way. Know what you need, know what you don’t need and practice telling your partner and others close to you what would be most helpful.

Until next time,

Marilyn Orr, The Luv Life Coach

Marilyn Orr, MA, CEC, PCC is a relationship coach with Luv Life Coaching, passionate about equipping couples with the tools for real and lasting intimacy.

Is Luv Life Coaching an appropriate next step for you? Take our online questionnaire to find out: http://luvlifecoaching.com/questionnaire

20 comments (Add your own)

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[email protected]

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CALL/WHATSAPP +1(321)754-0649

my youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iV04v3z2GA0

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Sun, February 17, 2019 @ 3:17 PM

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After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he could come back to me, I was really worried and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 11hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is real spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster Dr.Unity now. Here’s his contact: Call/WhatsApp him: +2348071622464 ,Email him at: [email protected] , Website:https://unityspelltemples.blogspot.com ,Your kindness will never be forgotten.

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Mon, February 25, 2019 @ 10:13 PM

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Sun, March 3, 2019 @ 4:32 PM

16. Mason Jassem wrote:
HOW I GOT MY WIFE BACK HOME WITH THE HELP OF A REAL AND GENUINE ONLINE LOVE SPELL CASTER DR PETER CALL/WHATSAPP +1(321)754-0649.



Sir, thank you so much for your real genuine spell,my wife is back!!

I am very happy to recommend Dr. Peter to everybody that truly need help to fix his or her broken relationship and marriage. When I found Dr. Peter online I was in desperate need of help to bring my ex lover back. She left me for another man. It all happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. she just left me after 3 years of our of marriage without no explanation. so was very worried and could not eat till i went online and i found testimonies on DR peter so i decided to contact Dr. Peter through his whatsapp and i explain everything to him so he help me cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did the spell, my wife started texting and calling me again. She said that she was sorry and said that I was the most important person in her life and she knows that now. you can Email Dr Peter now for urgent help [email protected] and [email protected] Or CALL or whatsApp: +1(321)754-0649

Read more on his website: http://MAGNIFICENTSPELLCAST.website2.me and blog http://magnificentspellcast11.blogspot.com all thanks to Dr peter he can also help solve different problems like getting pregnant, lottery and money spell, cure for all kind of sickness and disease e.t.c contact Dr peter today and get your problem solved 100% guaranteed and assured.

Thu, March 7, 2019 @ 5:46 PM

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Sun, March 10, 2019 @ 8:16 PM

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Thu, March 14, 2019 @ 8:33 PM

19. Clara James wrote:
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My name is CLARA JAMES .i want to give thanks to PRIEST WISDOM for bringing back my ex husband.No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person,It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. and he brake up with me again.I was confuse and do not no what to do again,rather them to get in contact with PRIEST WISDOM . He did a love spell that make my husband come back to me. we are now very much happy with our self. PRIEST WISDOM make him to realize how much we love and need each other.This man is for REAL and for good.he can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well,in our love life.contact email [email protected] or his web page http://supernaturalspell1.blogspot.com/ text or add him up on whatsApp at: +2348124644470

Tue, March 19, 2019 @ 8:58 PM

20. Natasha Wanderly form USA wrote:
heal from broken heart" Love spell from dr.Unity brought my husband back"contact [email protected] to help you get your Ex lover back urgently after breakup/divorce"
After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he could come back to me, I was really worried and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 11hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is real spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster Dr.Unity now. Here’s his contact: Call/WhatsApp him: +2348071622464 ,Email him at: [email protected] , Website:https://unityspelltemples.blogspot.com ,Your kindness will never be forgotten.

Natasha Wanderly form USA.

Fri, March 22, 2019 @ 9:20 PM

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