Luv Life Coaching Blog
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    Emotional Intelligence for Couples: Part 3 Interpersonal

    As part of our 5-part series on EQi for couples, today we turn our emotional intelligence focus to relationships, very specifically. 1. Trust & CompassionThe first of today’s three scales is specifically our ability to create and keep healthy relationships. The Bar-On EQi tool defines this aspect of intelligence as being able to have “mutually satisfying relationships that are characterized by trust and compassion”. In order for this to happen we, as partners need to be able to be ...  Read More...

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    Emotional Intelligence for Couples: Part 2 Self-Expression

    Last time, in our mini-series on EQi for couples, we covered how we see ourselves*. Today we look at the next three sub-scales in the Multi-Health Systems Inc. model.   Read More...

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    Emotional Intelligence for Couples: Part 1 Self-Perception

    In my life as a leadership coach I get to support people in growing their emotional intelligence (EQi). This work is usually in the context of work but, of course, this work also makes us better partners in our personal lives. Some of my Luv Life Coaching blog posts have touched on emotional intelligence but I thought that a little mini-series might be in order. There are a couple different models in the world of emotional intelligence assessing and growth. The one I am trained in and ...  Read More...

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    7 Life Skills That'll Improve Your Career & Love Life SIMULTANEOUSLY

    7 Life Skills That'll Improve Your Career & Love Life SIMULTANEOUSLY. It's totally doable!For 12 years now I have been coaching business leaders and executives (Capacity Building Coaching) to provide leadership development for companies in the form of certificate programs, seminars, coaching skills training and retreats. Even though I teach at primarily business seminars, I've been told that much of the information I provide not only helps in the executives' careers, but also in their love l...  Read More...

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    Money Honey

    Money, how we make it, when and where we spend it and how we save it - all of these are daily decisions and all of them can cause stress and conflict in relationships.How big a problem can this be? This quote with references cited puts it in perspective:“You are sharing a life, a home and your pocketbook with your significant other, and maybe even some kids. Among all of the things you could fight about with your significant other, financial disagreements are a major source of strife in many rel...  Read More...

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    How To Strengthen Your Relationship Through Laughter

    Recently I was in line at a checkout and couldn’t resist a magazine. The whole magazine is about laughter.How much have you been laughing lately?How often do you laugh yourselves silly as a couple?There are so many great articles out there on the benefits, physical and emotional, to laughing. Here’s an example: The Health Benefits of Humor and Laughter I sure know that what makes Bill laugh doesn’t always make me laugh and vice-versa.   Read More...

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    Highly Effective Couples

    Obviously “highly effective” is not what we aim for when thinking about our partner. This is business language “highly effective team”, etc. Let’s steal from business ideas though, again, for our relationships.A common team building activity is to make use of personality or behavioral style assessments and share results with each other.   Read More...

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    Relationship Wellness & Eating Together

    As the owner of a soon-to-be wellness center I get asked often “What kind of wellness?”What is wellness? It is so many things! It may be one of those topics that thinking about the flip side makes it easier to answer.   Read More...

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    5 Ways To Support Each Other’s Dreams

    So, I’m sitting on a plane talking with this very inspiring young man. What a great chance to ask “what do you think couples need support with?”. As a coach, I love his answer.   Read More...

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    5 Critical Elements For Conflict Resolution

    You know when you’ve goofed up and all you want to do is get out of the doghouse. What next?I sure did not grow up watching great conflict resolution. Quite the opposite.   Read More...

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    Sweet or Not So Sweet? Questioning Your Relationship Health

    What is it that defines a relationship as healthy? Is it a lack of fighting? How about how close and in touch with each other as a sign of health? The very difficult part of knowing if your relationship is unhealthy or not is that the unhealthy version differs in subtle ways that often creep in over time. What can feel charming and endearing at first can become painful and controlling. I’ve included links to 3 articles at the bottom of this blogpost. They all list signs ...  Read More...

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    Helping Each Other Through Stresses

    Often in life the people closest to us know how stressed we are before we do. The ironic part about stress is that often our own reaction to stress causes more stress than the original stressor.There are unlimited ways to react to stress and there are unlimited causes of stress. That being said there are some basic principles that we can get to.Let’s start with some common reactions to being stressed:Withdrawing from other - emotionally, socially, physicallyBecoming hyper-focused and drivenBecom...  Read More...

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    6 Practices To Safeguard Your Relationship

    Life is good! You are in love, your relationship is not work, it just flows and spending time together is easy. You are living with your best friend.I hope this all reads true for you, but keeping this or getting back to this is not all easy.What comes easy when we are falling in love takes work and intention as our relationship ages and life gets busy.What are some practices and habits that can protect or re-enliven your relationship as the years pass by?1) Date Night: There is the good old sta...  Read More...

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    To Advise or Not to Advise

    It is one of the most natural things in the world - to tell someone else what we think they should do.We do it out of love, out of concern, because we like to help, sometimes because it makes us feel good, creates a bit of a dependence or respect with the other party. Sometimes we simply want the other person to do things our way.We have many reasons, both good and not so good for giving advice.Usually, nowhere is easier to slip in to this mode than with our life partner.Advice and being told wh...  Read More...

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    The Art of Intimacy

    Some of us immediately think sex when we hear the word intimacy but it is so much more. Intimacy is about close, safe, nurturing connection. It includes physical, emotional and spiritual connection. Intimacy at it’s strongest includes all three. Today’s blog is a collaboration with Canadian, Toronto-based artist Veronica Blanco.   Read More...

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    2 Steps To Combat Blame In Relationship

    We’ve all done it. We’ve all made sure that someone else knows that a problem was most definitely caused by them.As Brené Brown puts it: Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain.Blame may relieve some emotional discomfort short term but it is not productive in the long-term or in any other way. It leads to disconnection and what we long for, what we need for well-being is deep healthy connection.So what are the options?Let’s talk about a great foundation for dealing with frustratio...  Read More...

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    Thoughts On Loving Well

    Some things we all have the same answer to. “Do you want to be happy?” is one of those questions. We all want happiness.   Read More...

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    The Relationship Power Tool of Listening

    Recently, during a lunch with a very ‘coach-like’ friend of mine I got to hear my husband answer her very creative question.“How have you changed since you got married to each other 8 years ago?”I think Bill’s answer gives us the best goal posts possible for lasting emotional intimacy.He said: ‘Well, I’ve learned how to be loved, how to let myself be loved, and I’ve learned to love myself better.’Wow.I have to tell you, being married to someo...  Read More...

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    Romance Hacks For Valentine's Day & Beyond

    It’s almost February. You know what that means. Valentine’s Day is not far away.Some of you are likely dreading it.   Read More...

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    Undoing Shame

    There is a powerful force at work in many of our lives and it brings damage to many relationships. Shame. If you are living life through a lens of shame it WILL negatively impact your relationship!Let’s define it in really practical terms, then look at how it affects our partnerships.Shame is the thinking and feeling that we have when we see ourselves as ‘less than’ or inadequate in some way.   Read More...

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    5 Reasons Pre-Marital Coaching is Like Working Out

    So often we think of counseling as appropriate for when something is broken or in crisis. This is not the case with pre-marital counseling or coaching.So, for starters, what is pre-marital? It comes in many forms - it may be classes you take with a few other couples, either through an organization that specializes in this or through a faith community.   Read More...

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    Enmeshment in Relationship

    You may not be that couple that wears matching pajamas and jackets but you love how much you think alike. Maybe you are that couple that proves that “opposites attract”. Wherever you are on that spectrum there are some important principles to consider.In Psychology we talk about this continuum using words like: independence, co-dependence, inter-dependence, enmeshment, emotional abandonment, etc.How much alike or different we are from our partner is really not the issue.   Read More...

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    Supporting Each Other’s Spirituality

    If you do a search on the positive impacts of spirituality, a long list of articles - scholarly and otherwise, will come up. The benefits are numerous. This time of year has many special days for many faith traditions and even spiritual reminders like Thanksgiving, regardless of your religious choices.The family I grew up in offered me stark contrasts in both faith and spirituality beliefs.   Read More...

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    Let’s Talk Sex

    Let’s Talk SexTruly, what kind of couples’ coach would I be without discussing sex, right?!Great sex is absolutely one of the most special aspects of a great relationship. Conversely stress around sex is one of the hardest things to deal with. In my years as a therapist this was a topic that came up frequently.What things from your sex life can really negatively impact your relationship?What are the things that can really make your sex life amazing?Some great ideas:Connect emotionallyReally hear...  Read More...

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    5 Reasons Why We Need To Nurture Our Friendships

    It is so sweet to have your life partner as your best friend. To have someone in your life everyday that you enjoy traveling with, laughing with, watching shows with, talking about everything to and sharing core values.It is easy to get in to a pattern where you don’t have much time with other friends.Today I want us to think about the importance of our other friendships and the many reasons we need to commit to them.Especially at the front end of relationships we can easily “forget” about our o...  Read More...

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    4 Ways To Inject Humor Into Difficult Conversations

    Laughter Really is Medicinal!Communication is a word we hear so often - lack of good communication is to blame for many issues - in our businesses, in our country, and, in our homes.Obviously, one blog isn’t going to fix that but let’s zero in on one piece of it to contemplate.When something is bothering us about our partner we make choices about how we are going to deal with it:• Put up with it (until it becomes too frustrating)• Say something sarcastic• Get even&bull...  Read More...

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    The Relationship Check-In

    You do it at work, likely 1 to 2 times per year. You probably do it with your dentist. Hopefully you do it with your doctor too.Your kids do it too, multiple times per year.Do you do it with life partner?I’m talking about the review process.   Read More...

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    Making the Most of Your Vows

    It is really popular now to write your own vows. For good reason. We want them to be authentic.   Read More...

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    Handling Crisis Together

    Crisis comes in so many forms - a health issue for one of you or someone close to you, a natural disaster that impacts you both, a job loss or financial hardship, the loss of a loved one. These crises are all part of normal life and and are inevitable.Learning how to support each other through crisis - be it a shared one or one that impacts your partner more than you, is a critical skill to support your relationship.How you cope, how you process and how you try to move through a crisis is highly...  Read More...

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    The Power of Celebration in Relationship

    Frequently my kids tease me for an “overuse” of the word “fun”. However, the truth is that I have practiced seeing the good and finding cause to celebrate.There is a lot of science behind the benefits of celebration - both for brain chemistry science and psychological benefits. This is a great little article on the benefits of celebration (click the picture to bring you to the article): Sadly, many people find it really hard to celebrate their own successes.   Read More...

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    Strategies We Use To Be Loved & Valued

    Why is it that so many of us long for a life partner?I believe that at our core we long to be known, truly seen and loved. We also long to offer someone else that depth of love. We have other core needs too, such as to be safe, to have our basic physical needs met, etc.   Read More...

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    The Five Love Languages

    The idea that we hear love and speak love in different ways has been made widely popular and very accessible by the work of Gary Chapman. I highly recommend his book, in fact I give it to all the young couples in our family. This link will take you to a site where you can take the assessment (just takes about 5 minutes) to see what your top love languages are. https://marriageresourcecentre.org/2013/05/03/featured-resource-five-love-languages/Understanding love languages has 2 big impl...  Read More...

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    Looking at Love

    It’s always interesting to see what Wikipedia has to say on a subject. Here is one of the comments on love: “This diversity of uses and meanings combined with the complexity of the feelings involved makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.”  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love You know that rush of feeling intense love that you have at times for your partner? Is that love? Those acts of kindness when you reall...  Read More...

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    5 Methods For More Effective Anger in Relationships

    This week I have been deeply touched by a number of you sharing deeply personal stories about your own experiences with anger and rage. I have heard from people wrestling with the impact of someone else’s anger expressions but I have also heard from people who know that they might be the one expressing anger in ways that may hurt people they love.Although I’m coming from a place of having to learn to express anger, I have learned a few things over the years that are relevant for those of you wan...  Read More...

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    Judging or Critical Thinking for Couples

    It can feel like semantics when we approach this topic. Judging, criticizing, evaluating. What are the real differences? This topic is very real in our everyday relationships and since my goal is not connected to our use of language but our use of compassion and honesty I'm not going to focus on nuances. There is a fine line between taking an honest inventory of our feelings about someone else and judging them.   Read More...

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    3 Ways to Naturally Boost Your Love Life

    If you want a better sex life with your partner, explore these natural ways to boost connection.My mother did not do well giving me “the talk”. I did not do well listening to her try. She did, however, buy me a book called “Sex Begins in the Kitchen”.   Read More...

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