We’ve all done it. We’ve all made sure that someone else knows that a problem was most definitely caused by them.As Brené Brown puts it: Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain.Blame may relieve some emotional discomfort short term but it is not productive in the long-term or in any other way. It leads to disconnection and what we long for, what we need for well-being is deep healthy connection.So what are the options?Let’s talk about a great foundation for dealing with frustratio...  Read More...

Some things we all have the same answer to. “Do you want to be happy?” is one of those questions. We all want happiness.   Read More...

Recently, during a lunch with a very ‘coach-like’ friend of mine I got to hear my husband answer her very creative question.“How have you changed since you got married to each other 8 years ago?”I think Bill’s answer gives us the best goal posts possible for lasting emotional intimacy.He said: ‘Well, I’ve learned how to be loved, how to let myself be loved, and I’ve learned to love myself better.’Wow.I have to tell you, being married to someo...  Read More...

It’s almost February. You know what that means. Valentine’s Day is not far away.Some of you are likely dreading it.   Read More...

There is a powerful force at work in many of our lives and it brings damage to many relationships. Shame. If you are living life through a lens of shame it WILL negatively impact your relationship!Let’s define it in really practical terms, then look at how it affects our partnerships.Shame is the thinking and feeling that we have when we see ourselves as ‘less than’ or inadequate in some way.   Read More...

So often we think of counseling as appropriate for when something is broken or in crisis. This is not the case with pre-marital counseling or coaching.So, for starters, what is pre-marital? It comes in many forms - it may be classes you take with a few other couples, either through an organization that specializes in this or through a faith community.   Read More...

You may not be that couple that wears matching pajamas and jackets but you love how much you think alike. Maybe you are that couple that proves that “opposites attract”. Wherever you are on that spectrum there are some important principles to consider.In Psychology we talk about this continuum using words like: independence, co-dependence, inter-dependence, enmeshment, emotional abandonment, etc.How much alike or different we are from our partner is really not the issue.   Read More...

If you do a search on the positive impacts of spirituality, a long list of articles - scholarly and otherwise, will come up. The benefits are numerous. This time of year has many special days for many faith traditions and even spiritual reminders like Thanksgiving, regardless of your religious choices.The family I grew up in offered me stark contrasts in both faith and spirituality beliefs.   Read More...

It is so sweet to have your life partner as your best friend. To have someone in your life everyday that you enjoy traveling with, laughing with, watching shows with, talking about everything to and sharing core values.It is easy to get in to a pattern where you don’t have much time with other friends.Today I want us to think about the importance of our other friendships and the many reasons we need to commit to them.Especially at the front end of relationships we can easily “forget” about our o...  Read More...

You do it at work, likely 1 to 2 times per year. You probably do it with your dentist. Hopefully you do it with your doctor too.Your kids do it too, multiple times per year.Do you do it with life partner?I’m talking about the review process.   Read More...

It is really popular now to write your own vows. For good reason. We want them to be authentic.   Read More...

Crisis comes in so many forms - a health issue for one of you or someone close to you, a natural disaster that impacts you both, a job loss or financial hardship, the loss of a loved one. These crises are all part of normal life and and are inevitable.Learning how to support each other through crisis - be it a shared one or one that impacts your partner more than you, is a critical skill to support your relationship.How you cope, how you process and how you try to move through a crisis is highly...  Read More...

Frequently my kids tease me for an “overuse” of the word “fun”. However, the truth is that I have practiced seeing the good and finding cause to celebrate.There is a lot of science behind the benefits of celebration - both for brain chemistry science and psychological benefits. This is a great little article on the benefits of celebration (click the picture to bring you to the article): Sadly, many people find it really hard to celebrate their own successes.   Read More...